


You Are My Flame

by superheichou



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 21:57:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8817700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superheichou/pseuds/superheichou
Summary: Yuuri sat on his own, his leg bouncing frantically against the scuffed tile as his eyes clenched shut to try and ignore the nerves wracking his body.“I don’t know if I can do this.” He mumbled to himself.Victor helps Yuuri out of his anxious thoughts before his performance.





	

The arena was bustling with excitement of the impending Grand Prix Final. Only the best of the best made it, of course, and the expectations laid a nerve wracking blanket over the whole event. 

 

Yuuri sat on his own, his leg bouncing frantically against the scuffed tile as his eyes clenched shut to try and ignore the nerves wracking his body.

 

“I don’t know if I can do this.” He mumbled to himself. Fists of his hair found itself buried deep within his knuckles as he hunched over and stared at all the imperfections of the ground.  _ Breathe, breathe… _

 

Victor has went off to talk to the other coaches while Yuuri stretched, but he quickly found his thoughts spiraling into a dark hole of low self esteem and fear. He wanted Victor here, but he also didn’t. His fiance holds him on such a high pedestal, he has already seen him break down once and if he saw it again he probably really would leave this time. He hasn’t felt this way in a long time and he just could not get his thoughts to go away. He thought he was over his anxiety stuffed fear of failing, but when the stakes were high it only hit him with a harsh force enough to knock him right off his feet.

 

“Hah…” The younger man’s breathes grew heavy, he was almost up, he can’t freak out now. He is going to ruin everything, he is useless, he is a failure. How could Victor not see that yet? How could he not see the man you pathetically cried to his mother in a bathroom stall after one of the largest skating championships in the world? He is not some prodigy, he is not Victor Nikiforov. He is Yuuri Katsuki, the disappointment who scratched by with last place in a life changing competition. How he got here again, he can’t even comprehend.  

 

“No…” Tears start to form at the corners of his eyes, but he clenched them shut before they can spill out and really cause a scene. His legs, heart and breathing all speed up on their own as Yuuri feels he is completely losing himself.  _ I am going to lose. _ Can Victor not see that? He promised him he would win, they are going to get married if he wins. The gold engagement ring mocks him as he trembles in fear of him losing the one thing that is keeping him going. This is not just his reputation this time, its Victor’s, it's Japan’s it’s… oh god, he’s going to throw up.

 

He forces his body to get up and bolt to the bathroom, but once he gets there he is met with waves of anxiety and fear of last year. The overly clean bathroom mocks him as he finds himself back to the same pitiful place he was last time. He remembers the pain so clearly. The nausea remains but he hasn’t eaten anything all day, so there would be nothing to come up anyway. 

 

_ I can’t do this… I can’t handle this…  _

 

Yuuri slides against the wall of the bathroom and curls up, burying his face away from the world and suffocating expectations of Japan’s finest ice skater and sobs. He just releases all of the pain within him and shakes against the cold and pristine floor of the Barcelona bathroom. His horrid thoughts keep him captive, so he doesn’t even hear when the door of the bathroom open.

 

“Yuuri, there you a-... Yuuri?”  _ Fucking shit.  _ This cannot be happening… “ моя любовь , what happened?”

 

His voice is softer than normal, but Yuuri hardly hears him anyway. His face remains pressed into his folded arms as his eyes continue dampening his jacket sleeve. Yuuri feels a familiar warmth slide down against him with a huff, his warm hand placing itself gently on his back.

 

“Yuuri, can you hear me?” He can, but he doesn’t say anything. He is terrified to see his face, the look of disappointment he is used to seeing from everybody.  _ He can’t look at me like that.  _ He knows if he saw Victor with that disapproving glint in his eyes, he would break down even further. “Love, it's okay, you’re okay.” 

 

Yuuri acknowledges him for the first time to shake his head no profusely into his snotty arm. 

 

“Yuuri, you are okay. This will not be like last year, you will win and we will go home-”

 

“But what if I don’t!” His whimpers are replaced with anger, he is always so fucking sure, like he knows that Yuuri will bring home the gold. How does he know that? He doesn’t.

 

“You have worked  so hard,  любимый .  You have made me, your family, all of Japan, so proud. Your skating is impeccable, your support is also impeccable, if I do say so myself.” The younger man can hear the small smile on the older man’s face as he tries to lighten the mood. He was never good at handling criers. 

 

“Not to mention, you have me here for you as your coach to help you through it all. You cannot second guess yourself. You made it this far, haven’t you? You’re at the Grand Prix Finals, Yuuri. You made it!” Victor’s arm wraps around him and tugs him closer to his side while Yuuri hardly budges on his own. 

 

“I did make it, but I also made it this far last year and I blew it. I’m scared, Victor…. I’m so scared. I can’t disappoint everyone again, I can’t cry in a fucking bathroom stall again, I can’t leave knowing I am a total failure. I can’t handle it, I really can’t.” The rambling grow more frantic as he continues on, all of his fears rolling off his tongue and into his arm as the hot tears roll down his cheeks faster. 

 

“I can’t handle looking into your face, seeing the look of disappointment in your eyes as you tell me I did my best and reassuring you love me. You shouldn’t have to reassure me, but what if you leave? What if I completely miss every single move? I can hear them saying now, “Victor, how does it feel knowing you threw away your career to coach a failure? How does it feel knowing you put all this time into this stupid underdog just to be proven that he’s a loser? The Grand Prix Final is a big deal, you wasted all these months on a fucking whim just to be embarrassed in front of the whole skating community and the whole world--” 

 

“Shut up.” Victor’s harsh tone cuts through his lover’s self deprecation as he grips his arms on to Yuuri’s trembling ones. “Yuuri Katsuki, you look at me right now.” God, he  _ really _ , doesn’t know how to deal with someone upset..

 

Yuuri looks up tentatively, his eyes rimmed with puffy redness as he avoids looking Victor in the eye. 

 

“Yuuri, look at this ring on my finger,” he puts it in Yuuri’s face to further his point, the gold ring blurring away with the new tears taking over Yuuri’s eyes, “yes, I came to Japan to be your coach. But remember what I said about the banquet? That night, you brought me to life. I felt like… my life was passing me by. Just going with the motions, until you came in and grabbed onto me, made me dance with you. I remember the blush dusting your cheeks, I remember your laugh, your gorgeous smile, as you dipped me. Something roared inside me, I felt alive, Yuuri. I wasn’t thinking about skating, I wasn’t thinking of winning, I was living in the moment. I realized that I didn’t want to stop feeling this way. This drunk, Japanese man made me feel alive for the first time. Then you asked me to be your coach, and I was blinded, all I knew was I needed to continue feeling this warmth within me. Even when I got to Japan in the guise of a new coach, I came for you. I wanted to see that fire that set the flame inside of me and made my life worth living.” Yuuri turned and looked in awe at the man in front of him, soft tears still rolling over his cheeks dusted with a pink. 

 

“You are my flame, Yuuri Katsuki. And yes, of course I want you to win. And you will, of course, you have the greatest coach ever. Hey, there’s that smile,” Yuuri’s lips curl into a small smile as Victor beams at him in adoration, “But, remember, I am always here for you. These rings, they signify that we will have a forever, regardless of anything. You will never be alone, and neither will I.” The older man’s thumb brushes dampness off of Yuuri’s cheeks before sliding his hand through Yuuri’s gelled back hair to fix the fly aways. 

 

“Okay?” Victor asks tentatively, and was definitely not expecting his smaller lover to cling on to him with dear life and bury his face into the crook of his neck. “Oh Yuuri, everything will be fine--”

 

“Thank you… even though you’re embarrassing.”  _ Teasing, good, teasing is a good step _ , “You are… the love of my life. I’m sorry for ever doubting you… 愛してる .” 

 

Yuuri’s arms wrapped tightly around Victor’s slightly larger frame, pressing them as close together and possible while Yuuri breathed in his familiar cologne through his snotty nose. A soft kiss pressed against his temple while they basked in each others comfort for a moment.

 

“So… did I do better this time? With the crying thing?” His serious tone couldn’t help but make Yuuri burst out laughing. He was definitely a looker right now, his red rimmed and glassy eyes paired with the snot all over his nose and his snorting laughter was definitely a look of eros. However, Victor’s scrunched eyebrows at his giggling only helped make him laugh harder.

 

“Haha, much better. The beginning was a little rocky, but you got better. You really are an idiot sometimes though… shut up? Really? I thought even you would know that that doesn’t really help a panic attack.”

 

“Well, Yakov used to use tough love, but then I realized that’s not what you needed. See, I’m learning!” Yuuri swiped his lover’s bangs away to stare into his crystal blue eyes, sniffing before leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to the Russian’s slightly chapped lips. 

 

“You need chap stick.”

 

“Well, you need to get out there and stretch again, world renowned ice skater Yuuri Katsuki. And that’s an order from your coach.” Victor put on a ridiculous serious face, so Yuuri couldn’t help but press a gentle kiss to the silly grimace on his face.

 

“Okay coach. I’m on it.” Yuuri wrapped their hands together as they left the bathroom, his body hugging against Victor’s muscular arm while their golden promises bumped against each other in their entwined fingers.

 

**Author's Note:**

> havent written anything in a million years but this ship means a lot to me and i cant stop thinking about them. (and wow, its not smut, amazing). 
> 
> моя любовь: my love  
> любимый: sweetheart  
> 愛してる: i love you  
> (if these are wrong please tell me, google translate lies and if it ends up victor calls yuuri a butthole or smth i wouldnt be able to deal)
> 
> anyways, if you like it please let me know and i'll write more.
> 
> im at bagelkegel.tumblr.com, come talk to me about these husbands (or send me writing ideas if u want).
> 
> thanks for reading <333333


End file.
